The Cruise Ship Comedian

Chapter 2: How'd You Get That?

I was really hoping I could go back to the old days where I religiously posted a blog every Tuesday and everyone who follows me could expect one, but apparently these things are gonna fly out as randomly as an earbud. My self-discipline sucks. If any writers have tips, PLEASE reach out. And don’t say Adderall even though I’m sure it works. As a person who docks in Cozumel often, I have access to many Mexican pharmacia’s where you can get it over the counter. I thought about buying a bottle once, but when she said it would be $220 USD, I was like, “Ummm… Actually I’m okay… I’ll just learn how to focus. It’s cheaper.”

So drug free, I’m finally writing again- two months later. (That’s how long an unmedicated Sagittarius takes.) Today’s blog contains excerpts from an article I wrote for The Comedy Tribune a few years ago. I was attempting to debunk the stigma of being a cruise ship comedian, which at the time, I felt there was. I wanted to show what a GREAT gig this is. Unfortunately the piece came out March 6th, 2020, so while I was hoping to be head cheerleader for my fellow floating compadres, I ended up looking like Patient Zero. 

But we’re back, baby. And after the pandemic drained whatever pesos we saved (should have locked down Cayman dollars- they’re worth more) I was pretty excited to get back to the high seas (steady income.) I’ve done many things in my career where other comedians have asked “How’d you get that?” Or the classic, “Who books that?” But for some reason cruise ship comedy wasn’t on a lot of comedians buckets lists… Until our post-apocalyptic world. Now I get asked a lot. Some people are even jealous!? Okay maybe not comedians- mostly just people with day jobs who see my IG pics with the hashtag #vacationsonly and think “WTF does she even work?” (I don’t even post comedy clips. There’s really no proof.) 

So let’s go back to my how I got my big wave break. 

(I can’t jump to the trilogy of having bunk bed sex in my 40’s without backstory, right?) 

You know when your phone rings before noon and you know its work related? If you’re a comedian (or server perchance), obviously you’re still in bed, either asleep or drowning yourself in social media from the comfort of your pillow. But you don’t want the industry person on the other line to know you’re still in bed, so you thrust your body up, and quickly clear your throat for your first words of the day. I often wonder how seriously I take my career when the cover photo of my Facebook fan page is a picture of nachos.  But I’m still a comedian, so I answer the call, mostly cuz I have no idea what my outgoing voicemail message sounds like. 

On this particular morning, it wasn’t the call I was expecting. 

“Hey, Christina. How are you?”

I mean, that part is normal. The caller is someone associated with a comedy competition I did a few years ago- a good one. One that has actually put a lot of money in my pocket since. He continues…

“I was wondering if you’d be interested in showcasing for cruise ship work.”

Oh god. This is it. I’ve reached the final level of stand up comedy, bypassing stardom of course. Obviously I say “yes,” cuz guess who needs money? Stand up comedians. That’s who. At the very least, the showcase is at The Improv in Hollywood, and it’s good to get a spot there. Maybe nobody will notice I’m showcasing for a cruise ship.

*Cut to poster reveal for the show: A giant ship with our names in the water.* 

Since I’m a supportive comic, I tip off a couple of my friends about the showcase. I bet this gig could be fun if you have the right comics working with you. I know they’re looking for “clean” acts so obvi I’m shocked I got the call. I guess they haven’t seen my custom made blow job hair ties I sell after shows.

I show up to the Improv wearing my best Marvelous Mrs. Maisel dress, ready to dust-off all the “f*cks” and dicks from my set. Inside my head I’m repeating the words “Just don’t swear, just don’t swear, just don’t swear” like I’m writing on a chalkboard Bart Simpson style. Among the other showcasing comedians: a guy with a LOT of props. I wasn’t sure if he was on the show or just came from a garage sale. There was also a chick from New York with some excellent dark jokes. 

I have no idea if they got hired, but guess who did?

Me.

Likeable vintage dresses and over used bits as seen on Canadian TV for the win. My agents start me off with three bookings. After that, we’ll see…

Even I’m curious how other comics ended up out here with me so I asked my fellow cruisemedian Johnny Cardinale. He was discovered by a juggler who was in the audience at The Ice House in Pasadena. Hey, that’s what young hopefuls in L.A. always think: “You never know who could be in the crowd…” 

I know another comedian who spent enough time on board with her husband (at the time) while he worked that the cruise line started booking her too.

Lenny Schmidt’s answer was simple: Divorce. That was it. His friend started a ship agency as he was going through it, and asked if he wanted to do it. He had no intention of doing it up until then (he was acting more) but hey, divorce in expensive. 

If definitely seems like this is a world of comedy you’re recruited into, as opposed to submitted for.

My career in stand up comedy started in the time of having to get past the gate keepers. Now we live in a world where you can prove yourself by the power of internet hits. I’m currently sucking at the latter game and coasting (okay cruising) off the former. 

So now I’m in my 4th year of being a cruise ship comedian. (Okay there was a bit of a gap in the middle.) Only time will tell if my career is sailing…

Or sinking.

Until the next time I find self discipline,

Christina Walkinshaw

AKA Cruise-tina

(Thanks for the new nickname, Teresa DeGaetano:)

P.S. I Googled Adderall as a form of spell check cuz my computer was sure I spelled it wrong and the third thing that popped up was “Adderall Shortage 2023.” Looks like I’m not alone. 

P.P.S. As I was in tears yesterday setting up a payment plan for my taxes one of my friends texted me, “Can you tell me again how you got booked on cruises again?” Brace yourself for a life of 1099’s. As if comedians (of all people) SAVE money for this… oooooof.

(Bring your friend to work day, January 2023 edition. Teresa and me, Cruisetina.)